Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Rather Lovely Tuesday...

Mutterings continued.

...weather-wise. Had lunch with a friend and we sat outside, under the verandah of the restaurant. Very enjoyable.

More silliness from the depths of my Inbox:

Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words:

We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

The pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Many bobans died to bring us these pants.

These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault.

I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.

TK-421... Why aren't you in your pants?

Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

You are unwise to lower your pants.

She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

You look strong enough to pull the pants of a Gundark.

Luke... Help me remove these pants.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

Luke.....I am your pants.

A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

Luke, search your pants. You know it is true.

Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one... Your sister!

Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

Short pants is better than no pants at all.

The following are are probably apocryphal (or at least, wildly inaccurate), and probably not real. They're funny, but.

Subject: RAF records.

Never let it be said that Ground Crews and Maintenance Staff lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual RAF maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as squawks, recently submitted by Pilots to maintenance engineers.

After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks.

KEY:
> >P- The problem logged by the pilot.
> >S - The solution and action taken by the Maintenance Crew.

ACTUAL LOG ENTRIES:
> >P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> >S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

> >P - Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
> >S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

> > P - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
> > S - No. 2 propeller seepage normal - No. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.


> > P - Something loose in cockpit.
> > S - Something tightened in cockpit.


> >P - Dead bugs on windscreen.
> > S - Live bugs on backorder.

> >P - Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
> >S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

> >P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> >S - Evidence removed.

> >P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
> >S - Volume set to more believable level.

> >P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S - That's what they are there for!

> > P - IFF inoperative.
> >S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


> >P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
> >S - Suspect you're right.


> > P - Number 3 engine missing.
> >S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

> >P - Aircraft handles funny.
> >S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."

> >P - Target radar hums.
> >S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

> > P - Mouse in cockpit.
> > S - Cat installed.


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