Middling Monday

Mutterings continued.

I've injured my shoulder capsule, which means I can't lift my right arm above my head (made washing my hair and getting dressed this morning a bit of a drama) or turn my head left or right. Doc thinks it will be ok with Nurafen.

More silliness found in the inbox. The replies after each comment are mine.

Show: Far and Furthest

"the audience clapped for a while in the middle thinking it was the end."

The phrase is, "hoping it was the end."

Show: Oedipus

"Mr Edwards (MD) was almost late for one of his cues and made a bit of noise dashing to the piano."

Show: A View from the Bridge - rehearsal note "Ms. Deans would like two imaginary windows"

In the imaginary wall.

Show: Annie

"Tony the dog sniffed something interesting in the wing just before his entrance at the end of Act 1 scene 6. He was very late and walked across the stage as the lights faded to black."

It was probably the LX op mentioned below.

Show: Bartered Bride

"Sprat the dog was able to perform although contracting an infestation of fleas, he did not, however take a curtain call."

His fleas, however, did.

Show: Rent UK Tour 2001

"The sound was a bit Monday nightish"

It echoed in the empty auditoreum.

Show: The Importance of being Earnest

"Act 3 smoke - There was quite a lot, it looked good, but obscured some of the cast."

This is sometimes a good thing.

Show: Secret Suppressed Desire Society "Banana Dildo did not work today due to the fact that the actresses were playing with it before the show and the batteries died. ASM replaced batteries."

I'd call that going above and beyond...

Anon

"The DSM was given a verbal warning by the Company Manager after she arrived at the venue sporting sandals with socks!"

The CM was wearing thongs.

Anon

"There was very heavy rain throughout the day and a few drips on stage"

Only a few?

Show: The Admirable Crichton

"Act 1 Pg 173, Mr Chisholm mixed up last line of speech: 'lit their nips' instead of 'knit their lips' Mr Chisholm realised mistake and corrected himself, then adding 'I know what I meant- I wrote it!' Received round of applause from audience."

Show: Careless Husband

"The show minidisks were mixed up with the recording session disks during the course of the first half. During the second half sound Q40 (gust of wind) was instead relpaced by the voice of the sound designer saying 'Ohhh Stu you're so butch'. The operator subsequently swapped the disks back."

Show: The Art of Success

"Sound cues 8 to 14 did not happen as the Sound Op and DSM were under the impression that they had been cut. The director disagreed quite strongly."

Bits of the SO and DSM were then cut.

Show : Soldiers Fortune & Playhouse Creatures "Miss Ryan forgot her brooch despite having it handed to her by a member of Stage Management"

Mr Meadows forgot his Hamlet pendant despite having handed it to Mr Blades.

Show : Sleuth

"Mr_____ and Mr_____ were both put off by the sound and smell of the sewerage extraction going on out side the scene dock door. Whilst they both appreciated that the noise from the machine was neccessary they found the shouting and the singing coming from the men operating the machine distracting and had to raise their voices for the last few pages of Act 1 so that the audience could hear them. However the rest of the act ran smoothly and the front of house manager freshened the stage with a whole can of Haze during the interval."

It wasn't just their performance that stank.

Show : Wuthering Heights

"Smoke Machine set off silent fire alarm. Fire brigade arrived at the theatre during show and insisted that the had to check the building for fire. The firemen had to creep around backstage, whilst carrying all their equipment, and try not to make too much noise (quite

difficult considering all the equipment and clothes they were wearing)"

Couldn't be any more noisy than your average cast moving around backstage.

Show: The Riot, Kneehigh Theatre

"Miss D [the DSM] flashed her breasts at the cast during the opening of Act II; Only Ms A and Ms H noticed."

Show: Taming of the Shrew (outdoors)

"Mr Pocock received a round after his speech 'Petruchio, since we are stepped thus...' in Act1 Sc.2. This was due to his valiant, if not entirely successful attempt to out-project a low-flying Concorde."

Concorde? Feh! Try low flying peacocks!

Show: Lend Me A Tenor

"Miss Beveridge prior to going on stage felt she needed to fart so forced it out before her entrance. Unfortunately this caused her to wet herself. Due to the nature of her dress she was not wearing any underwear and left a trail behind her onstage.This was not noticeable

as the stage is carpeted."

Miss Beveridge is aptly named.

Show : Aladdin

"LX cues 86/7/8 skipped from plot due to distraction at open LX position caused by audience member requesting more light be put on stage during 'Cave Scene' to facilitate his video quality of his daughter's dance routine."

"Now why didn't I think of that?!" An Actor.

Show: Fiddler on the Roof

"In this evenings performance, electrics cues 17,32,48 and 75 were not executed as the board operator forgot to press the go button when told to do so."

Show: Filth National Tour

"During the pre-show check at The Bush Theatre, Mr Savva was alarmed to find a rather large human turd behind the flattage. It looked fresh. A Polaroid was taken to aid identification."

Bloody critics.

"Musicians playing in the locker rooms had to be threatened with physical violence before they shut up"

Ditto for musicians playing in the orchestra pit.

"Mr _____ was very tired at this performance as he had spent the night with a Chippendale and got no sleep"

Rehearsing dance routines, no doubt.

Show: Cavalcade by Noel Coward

"Mr J_____'s death scene exceeded the legal time allowed for a theatrical death by a large margin"

And some actors have been dying for years.