Saturday, March 19, 2005

Most amusing.

Mutterings continued.

From the ITA website:

"Small Professional Theater 1.0 Tech Support
Dear Sirs;

Last year I upgraded from Community Theater 5.0 to Small Professional Theater 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes. It installed something called Microsoft Stagemanager (TM) which it launches whenever rehearsal software is powered up, severely limiting access to munchies, praise, and practical joke applications that operated flawlessly under Community Theater 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Stage Manager 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as Hamming 2.0, Smoking in costume 7.5, Coming and Going at will 5.6, Unlimited Comps 8.3 and Borrowing Theater's Equipment 2.3 and installs new, undesirable programs such as Schedule 3.1, Discipline 1.3, Expectations 5.0, and Accountability 2.4. Divafit 4.1 no longer runs at all, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run Whining 14.1. I've tried running Attitude 5.3 to fix Stage Manager 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please ?!!!!"

"
This is a very common problem many actors complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Community Theater 5.0 to Small Professional Theater 1.0 with no idea that Community Theater 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package for actors.

However, Small Professional Theater 1.0 is a performance OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible, eliminating unnecessary routines and delegating as many tasks as it can to the enduser in order to conserve all system resources for its own use. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the Stage Manager files from the system, once installed, as Stage Manager 1.0 rewrites your other software so that it rejects Community Theater 5.0 routines once exposed to SM's superior methods.

Having Stage Manager 1.0 installed myself, I would suggest you read the entire section of the owners manual regarding General Director Faults (GDFs). This is a wonderful feature of Stage Manager 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Stage Manager 1.0 will take on ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause, and will somehow solve EVERYTHING. To activate this great feature enter the command C:\ DIRECTOR\SCATTERED DREAMER-SENSITIVE ARTIST\CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT YOU

Sometimes ActorsRIdiots 6.0 or higher must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Stage Manager 1.0 should then run the applications Organize 12.3 and Miracles 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GDFs, and ultimately you may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE\RAISE\PERSONAL DAY command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Stage Manager 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, ArtSearch 6.0. GrumpySilence 2.5 is a very bad program that can create Disfunctional.acting files that clog all rehearsal and performance programs and are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GDFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the entertainment applications Community Theater 5.0 ran.

After several years of use, Stage Manager 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1 and Ensemble Loyalty 4.2.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install any version of MeddlesomAdministrator. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. StageManager 1.0 will run only CurtGoingThrutheMotions and CovertArtSearch until MeddlesomeAdministrator is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Small Professional Theater 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.

Tech Support"


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